Kitchen Kings

For all those who are in utter state of depression, you haven't had a good laugh in ages, all your neighborhood kids have started calling you Uncle and Aunty, may i recommend a solution. All you have to do is enter into Bachelor's kitchen and rest assured you will have a laugh of your life. They don't even have to cook, just their presence in the kitchen is a source of entertainment. If some millionaire is reading this blog, please sponsor me and I will direct a 100 episode series on the Bachelors and their war room. Forget cooking even making tea is a laugh a riot episode. Here is a sample-
Now on the weekends we need regular supply of tea, and at least 3 to 4 times in the morning it needs to be made at home, because we are too lazy to go to Mamu(he runs the Irani cafe near our house). So the first one to wake up is Dr( Why, when and by whom he was nicknamed doctor no one knows, I can only assume that it was because of his handwriting) and shouts- " Abe doodh kaha hai?" some one replies from some room " Phat Gaya". Dr- " Milk Powder?", that some one again- "Jam Gaya"(its frozen). Dr-" Abe chai kya beer mein banagi".
Now its time for Colonel Dr to take charge of the command. He comes into my room and kicks my non- existent butt( Iam so thin that the only reason I carry a cell phone in my pocket is so that I don't get blown away by wind)
Dr-" J, get milk"
Me-" In a while"
Dr- " We are also out of cigs"
Me - " I'll go right now!"( that bugger, he knows exactly how to get me out of the bed)

For the uninitiated, bachelor's have clear segregation of duties based on their skill sets. Since I cannot cook to save my life , Iam in charge of refueling the supplies. Once the milk is there, Dr gets to work. Its time for "N" to chip in with his demand.He shouts from the bed-" Dr, yaar adraak(ginger) dal dena"
Dr-" Crush it and give it to me".
N-" Chal chod yaar, kya karna"

So finally the after much hard work, the first tea of the day is ready. So is it all over, naahhhhhhhhh!. You see our maid comes once in the morning( by her definition, for us its still midnight)and washes all the utensils. Now, chai wala utensil is all dirty after the first tea. So for the second session of tea its quite obvious that none of us are gonna wash it. Hence the second tea of the day is made in large utensil that is generally used to make rice for 4 people. So what about the third session you would ask. Well, we use the Pressure Cooker !!! As they say, Majboori ka Naam Mahatma Gandhi!
Welcome to our World!!!

4 Guys, No Girls and an Irani Cafe

This, ladies and gents, will be an ongoing series on this Blog. Accidents of me and my 3 roommates . Our claim to fame- We have been kicked out of 3 houses till date. I would take the credit for the first 2 times and the third one was the joint effort. The first time we were thrown off was because I set the house on fire( that's what the owner thinks, in my opinion it was just a small accident). All I did was ironed my clothes,accidentally left the switch on and went out .The bed sheet lying on the iron stand caught fire and from that the curtain caught fire and from the curtain the window caught fire. Just at that moment my room mate returned and put off the fire. So effectively the only thing that was damaged was the window. But , well the owner thought that we were highly irresponsible( Hey! it could have happened with anybody) and threw us out.
Then, we moved into a nice plush apartment. All carpeted, fully furnished and all that jazz. The only problem was the water supply was as unpredictable as Delhi's weather. I opened the tap one night and there was no water. Since there was no water flowing, I forget to close the tap, which I still believe is perfectly legitimate excuse. In the morning I heard people shouting and banging on my door, I woke up and moved to get out of my bed, and, well my feet landed in knee deep water. Apparently, the the tap decided to bless us with water at about 4 in the morning. The complete house was flooded and the water had flowed down from our fifth floor apartment to the ground floor. As far as I was concerned it was blessing in disguise, not only did Auntiji carpet had a good wash but the entire building was washed clean. But our owner thought otherwise and once again we were back on road.
Third time lucky was not to be. This time our owner was a South Indian Brahmin and we were able to convince him that we could not stand the sight of meat,that alcohol was the drink of the devil and cigs were out of question since all of us were asthmatic. Initially, we religiously cleared away all the bottles, cig butts and bones immediately. But then as time passed by, he never visited and we stopped caring. But then , one day he decided to pay us a visit on a Monday morning. The status of the house on that particular day- 130 empty beer bottles in the kitchen, 3 empty whiskey bottles(from the weekend) lying in the drawing room, around 5 ash trays overflowing, sweet fragrance of last night's chicken flowing from the trash can. The rest ,as they say, is history,,,,,,,,